"When we abolish the slavery of half of humanity, together with the whole system of hypocrisy that it implies, then the 'division' of humanity will reveal its genuine significance and the human couple will find its true form." -Simone de Beauvoir "The Second Sex"
The Fairytale
Imagine this: There is a young woman, bound and tied, strategically placed on some railroad tracks by a nameless villain. As the sound of the nearing train grows more distinct, the villain and the woman wait anxiously. But who are they waiting for? Just at the very last moment, when all have begun to nearly give up hope, he arrives- confident and graceful. He is the hero. He has come to rescue the young woman- to save her from the doom that awaits her.
It is the "damsel in distress" scenario, a classic notion of the Antebellum south. And it amazes me, that despite its archaic roots- this scenario has survived. I believe that Victorian Literature has caused subliminal damages as far as western culture is concerned, and its unrealistic ideals of romance, propriety, and decadence resonates throughout the literature of the time period. These same Victorian tones were mimicked through the American Antebellum style. The brutalities of the Civil War brought to light a greater element of tragedy that exists within humanity, and has influenced this same fairytale structure. It has since been remastered, reformed through the emergence of the Southern Gothic movement in America. Its tragedy is now more frequently exposed through plots riddled with unfortunate events and twists more relevant to the trifles of human existence. Still, this tragic fairytale technique is not new, and can be dissected through Aristotelian analysis. To uncover the true coda of any story, it is important to read between, and oftentimes beyond the lines.
Self Destruction
"I was right not to be afraid of any thief but myself, who will end by leaving me nothing." ~Katherine Anne Porter
What interests me most about this scenario, is the question of who is who. Who is the hero? Who is the villain? Who is the woman? The story seems simple, with the antagonist clearly being the villain, the protagonist as being the hero, and the underdeveloped character of the woman serving little more purpose than to aid in the development of the plot. However, it occurs to me, that I witness this classic story line being played out in the lives of nearly every woman that I know. It also occurs to me, that nothing is hardly what it seems- especially in literature. I think of this story in modern terms, and again I ask myself: Who is the hero? Who is the villain? Who is the woman? Now it becomes clear to me that the most underestimated character of the story is the woman. While it would appear that the woman has little to no role in the story, on the contrary, the woman is actually the main character. The villain and the woman are actually one in the same. She has carefully bound herself in ropes. She is willing to sacrifice herself as she lies on the tracks. But why? She has set herself up for destruction and now patiently awaits for someone to come and save her. The unfortunate part, is that the story does not always end the same. Sometimes the hero may make an appearance, gracefully saving her just as she had planned. Although, more often then we would like to admit- the hero never comes. And how, in this case, does the story end?
The woman destroys herself.
The ending is most unfortunate, but we must ask ourselves why the woman acted as she did. Why would she be willing to sacrifice herself, and what is it that she was willing to sacrifice herself for? What does it mean when the hero does not show? What relevance is there to the woman and the villain being the same character? Who is the victim? Who is victimizing? What does this story really say about us?
Women have suffered at the mercy of patriarchy for hundreds of years; physically, emotionally, and mentally. Physical pain however, is temporary. It is the mental oppression, the social conditioning which manipulates our idea of femininity, that greatly concerns me. These false ideas of what it means to be a woman, are passed on from generation to generation. It is learned when daughters mimic mothers, it is learned through archaic fairy tales, it is learned through media representation, it is learned through tradition and religion, it is learned through manipulation. Above all, and the saddest realization to me, is that it is not men who are doing this. The oppression of women is self inflicted. We, as women, are denying our own freedom.
After centuries of legitimate oppression, it is not surprising that women are denying their new found liberation. It is just as if you were to take a tamed animal that has been caged all of its life, and set it free into the wild. Can this animal survive on its own? Not likely, and the best and sometimes only way to survive in this case is to be adopted into the care of another. The problem is identified, the real question is of the solution.
First, we need to cease to use human nature as a scapegoat. I have, the majority of my life, believed in some sort of solid distinction between males and females. I had believed that women were 'naturally' inclined to be more emotional, to be more submissive.I have realized however, that these inclinations to be emotional and submissive, are entirely the result of social construct. Simone de Beauvoir believed this as well, and it was through reading portions of her work that I came to my own terms with this subject. In her book, "The Second Sex," she asked the question, "Why is woman the other?" Because she was an existentialist, she operated on the concept of freedom. She came to two conclusions on why a woman could not be free. This is best explained from an excerpt of an essay I found on "The Second Sex.""...[A woman's] lack of freedom could be inflicted, in which case it constituted oppression. Or it could be chosen, in which case it represented a moral fault. In both cases, it was an absolute evil. Like Sartre, she argued that freedom requires moral courage. It is easier to forgo one's liberty and become a thing. As Beauvoir made clear, for women there were advantages to be gained from playing up to men, living through men, being kept by men. 'It is an easy road; on it one avoids the strain involved in undertaking an authentic existence.'"
Now, back to the questions regarding the initial story and why the woman acted as she did: Why would she be willing to sacrifice herself, and what is it that she was willing to sacrifice herself for? What relevance is there to the woman and the villain being the same character? Who is the victim? Who is victimizing? What does it mean when the hero does not show? What does this story really say about us?
Now we must include what I feel to be the most important question, what exactly was it that the woman wanted to be saved from? Did she wish, as de Beauvoir said, to take an easier road- to avoid the strain in undertaking an authentic existence? This is certainly possible, if not likely. In the most common of all cases, and often combined with the former- the woman is afraid and she is trying to save herself from one specific feeling, loneliness. And what is the cure for loneliness? Love. Now we have the answer to what the woman is willing to sacrifice herself for. In any case she is willing to sacrifice herself for one or more things; simplicity, security, and love. The woman and the villain being the same character says a lot about the nature of women. It shines new light on the question of whether or not the oppression of women is self inflicted. In this case, it is. The woman is certainly the victim, but because she is the villain, she is also the victimizer. This is an example of a woman choosing to take the easy way out- refusing to take responsibility for her own existence, and she does so in choosing to be a victim. She chooses to escape the burden of authenticity by playing up to men.
The Futility of Feminism and The Image
Now to look at this from a different angle, from the angle of the feminist. I do in fact believe that men and women are equal. I believe that masculinity and femininity are social terms and are results of social construct- not biology. I believe that women are certainly oppressed in some instances, but I also believe that this is drastically changing as traditional and old fashioned thinking begins to die away. I believe now more than ever, that the vast majority of the current oppression of women is self inflicted. I do believe in what de Beauvoir said, that women often choose to play up to men and live through men. I believe that they do this because in this quickly declining patriarchal society, this is still socially acceptable. I have watched females do this all of my life. I have watched my friends jump from man to man with hardly a spare moment in between. I have watched them never cease for an instant- unwilling to claim their own independence. I have noticed that these same women eventually break down, because they finally realize one day that they have been living through men their entire lives- and that in doing so, they have no real concept of who they are. They have no existence. Their existence is only the sub-product of any given man's existence. They do not exist as they are, they exist as men allow them to exist.
Women have always been, and still are, chameleons- constantly adapting and molding themselves to the idea of what a man wants in a woman. There are many reasons for this, but there is one that I find applies across the board. It is in regards to something I had mentioned earlier, "The woman is afraid and she is trying to save herself from one specific feeling, loneliness. And what is the cure for loneliness? Love." All women, in this case, no matter if they are living authentically or inauthentically, are all looking for the same thing- and that is love.
That fact alone, is the very reason that women are in search of a hero; because no matter how independent they are, they are waiting for a man to come along and save them, to give life meaning. This is something that I struggle with, and even though I consider myself to be a fairly actualized woman when it comes to the subject- I find it escapable, but futile. I find it futile because there is one thing that I have determined to be true: and that is that women have become narcissistic- they need their self worth affirmed, and men are egotistical, and the feminist movement of the past century has made them overly sensitive. It comes down to this: women need men to want them, and men want women to need them. And where does this leave us, the women? With all the power. We as women have all of the power because men will always want women, but on the other hand, women no longer necessarily need men. The solution lies solely in the hands of the woman, who now must sacrifice herself for the sake of the image, and find herself straddling the line of self deception.
I believe that the feminist movement has made us become more androgynous. We have become more ambiguous in our roles as men and women. Like many women, I find myself guilty of denying the stereotypes of femininity in an attempt to embrace qualities of masculinity. We do this because we associate masculine qualities with qualities of strength and agility, whereas frivolous concepts of femininity have taught us to believe that women are sensitive, overly emotional, and therefore weaker. It has become a power struggle, in which I, like many, fight not to be seen equal in biology, but in integrity.
The problem with this, is that I believe men have become intimidated. They now feel that their role as a male is being threatened. They have been conditioned with specific ideas of gender roles, just as women have. They have become sensitive to the fact that women are socially as well as economically, able to attain an equal status, able to take care of themselves, and technically, able to live without them.
It is here that I find post feminism effects to cause a strong element of futility. As I said before, men want women to need them. When the feminist woman comes to the realization that her existence is independent from that of men, it poses a problem in the sense that she will now have great difficulty in any pursuit of genuine love. This realization is a crucial moment in her life, and it is one I have recently come to myself. I find myself realizing that the majority (if not all) of men still want to be the hero- it will be the greatest role of their life, and without it, they will not feel complete as a man because this is exactly what masculinity is to them. Here I realize that it may be a possibility that in order for me to ever find that love we are all looking for, I may have to sell myself out. I have to consider, that it may be necessary for women, even such as myself, to play up to men- to play the role they need me to play for them to feel like men. We are all the same in this sense, the sense that we need to posses a feeling of purpose. Men fill the void in their lives, by feeling a sense of purpose in filling that same void in a woman. What disappoints me most of all about these realizations, is that I am starting to think that through the idea of feminism, women have surpassed men. I think now, that men are becoming the oppressed ones, and they too are inflicting it on themselves. Perhaps there will come a day, when there will be a movement in which men struggle to reclaim, but more importantly redefine, their masculinity.
Building Walls of Resentment
This secret battle between men and women, is spawning a viscous cycle which we are failing to be aware of. Because men are now the ones stuck in socially constructed ideas of what it is to be a man, women are struggling to become authentic because they still find themselves stuck in a position in which they must fulfill the roles men wish them to fill. I find this humoring of men that women do to be unhealthy in respect to both genders. Because while the feminist women is now finding her independence to be meaningless because she is unable to find love through it- men are suffering at the hands of their resentment.
More often than not, when a women's quest for love has failed, she becomes resentful. It is also my opinion, that there is no weapon on earth more powerful than the resentment of a woman. Resentment is dangerous because it causes a domino effect. When we as women become resentful of men, I believe we develop a state of anxiety, a state commonly known as hypervigilance. Because we have been hurt, we develop defense mechanisms, we find ourselves in a constant state of fight or flight. We do this because we feel it is necessary to assure that it does not happen to us again, to show everyone as well as ourselves that we are not naive. We build a wall and label it strength. We become vindictive. The problem with this, is that through it we deny any man the same right that we have previously been denied: because we have once been denied love, we now deny love to others, and again to ourselves. In our resentment, we have in turn now taught men to be resentful of women. My friend Tony put it perfectly when he said, "I will no longer be a scapegoat for people who refuse to believe in themselves more than an object of resentment, and who use this resentment- this grudge against men- as the mechanism of damaging behavior- and no longer will I allow myself to be fooled into a love where the woman, the effeminate nihilist, forces me into nothingness."
Anagnorisis
We need to, as not just either men or women, but together as the human race, begin to take responsibility for ourselves. Men need to realize that women all ready have all of the control, but only because they are giving it to us- and that through continuing to uphold a frivolous idea of masculinity that they are still oppressing women, by giving women reason to oppress themselves. If men continue to force us to play a role, one of two things will happen: either men are only going to establish relationships with women who are naive and unaware of the power of their existence- which they will continue to manifest through their daughters, or, they will be forcing otherwise authentic women to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the futile image. It is their choice, but I suggest freeing themselves of traditional construction. On second thought, gentlemen, the power does lie in your hands. You want to be the hero? Let there be no resignation. You can free us all.
And as for women, it may seem to some of us now that there are two options- play the character, or lose the game. This leaves me distraught, because this means then that for women- there is no freedom in love. This means that true love is only disappointment. But here I am- still optimistic. I refuse to subside to this theory. We as women are creators, the bearers of life- lets end the destruction- especially to ourselves. Let us remember who we are. We are the woman, we are the villain, but though it may seem unexpected, we are also the hero. The woman alone is the tragic savior of her own existence, she is the unknown heroine.
