Twilight Anxiety

(Es Una Condición Imprescindible)

"...there is a twilight when everything remains seemingly unchanged. And it is in such a twilight that we all must be aware of change in the air—however slight—lest we become unwilling victims of the darkness." - William Douglas

I was sitting in the car under a stoplight. The street lamps were buzzing and struggling to turn on. When the light switched to green it caught my eyes and I was transfixed by it as we drove underneath. It swayed back and forth in the wind, and its background, the rest of the world, blended together. There is always a focal point in art, and in this case it was the bright light in the foreground. I stared at this long enough that I began to not see what it was, but what it was not. The light faded away and the background came into focus. The way everything was illuminated was perfect- dark but hazy from the last rays of light still trapped in the grey clouds. Everything seemed to appear in subdued tones, the sky was various shades of dull grey and all of the buildings were sepia. It is apparent to me now as to why any artistic reproduction which captured the Great Depression was always in these same tones. These subdued tones seemed to represent not just a time but an aura, a feeling. I felt that same feeling right then, a heavy feeling of anguish and depression.
I have a poetic way of thinking, and often interpret my environment metaphorically. The flashing light caught my attention because thats exactly what it was designed to do. I didn't notice everything else right away, even though it was the larger sum of the portrait, and I began to think about this. That stoplight was a distraction, and represented the many distractions that we plague ourselves with. We (as humans) design focal points in an attempt to impose order on chaos. We are organized because we stop and go when the light tells us to.
We are sensory beings so its easy to get lost in the manufactured sounds and sights. The sustenance of capitalism is through marketing and advertising, decadence and exaggeration- "All flash and no meaning" is its synopsis. We've decorated our world with sparkling lies, it looks beautiful from space. Capitalism- Is this why westerners are so materialistic? Art is being used for evil, its being manipulated through propaganda to show not reality or even an image of reality but generic images, with lying taglines. We're becoming blinded by the flash of pretty things and slipping more and more into denial. We accumulate possessions and give these objects sentimental value and we form vain attachments to them. There is no freedom in this, all attachments are futile- nothing can be eternally bonded; not your possessions, not your friends, family, lovers, not even your body-just your soul.
Focus, then, on what lies beyond these objects. Focus on not just what is, but what isn't. Existence is the constant struggle between opposites; black and white, joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, love and hate, life and death. Existence isn't the goal. Existence is all ready happening. Putting your eyes into focus- that is the goal. Learning to stare through the distractions and see them as exactly that- that is the goal. Focusing on the background, focusing on reality- that is the goal. Focusing is the first step but interpretation is the next test. Is there any meaning to the background? What does it represent: Futility? Optimism? Hope? Nothing? Everything? Existence is where everything collides. Existence is that time of day when the dark fights the night.
Notice the painting at the top. Its been my favorite painting since the first time I saw it and it appears to be at this same time of day. The time of day when he is screaming.