Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Article


Male peacocks fan their tail feathers. Fireflies illuminate themselves. Male grasshoppers sing alluring songs. Women wear makeup and high heels and men buy drinks. Whatever the method, we all have our mating rituals. Courtship or “game” as it may more modernly be referred to has become a primary objective in American, and well, any culture for that matter. By nature we are all instilled with basic techniques to attract others, but the art of human attraction is far more complex. Why is this? Well, we can communicate with each other through more intricate systems of language. The beautiful thing about language is that we can more effectively relay our wants and desires as well as express ourselves. But on the other hand, we are also capable of deception, lies, and manipulation.
However, these acts are not always necessarily bad. A certain level of etiquette and propriety is almost always essential to a person's success. But how does this apply in the dating world? Whether we realize it or not, we naturally grasp the concept of social grace when we are young. We learn to smile, look cute, and ask politely to get what we want. We get what we want by giving others what we think that they want. Manipulation and charm are two powerful tools we use to lure the opposite sex. Just like peacocks, fireflies, and other animals, when our goal is to attract another person, we often put on a show.
When I was younger my mother (a human resources director) told me that when in an interview for a job, to mimic the personality of the interviewer. This is just an example of how people have learned to become “social chameleons,” adapting to the individual they are aiming to please. The same applies to dating, how refreshing is it when us ladies come across a guy who is a perfect gentleman? He calls when he says he will, he opens doors, he pulls the car around, et cetera. And how excited do you men get when a woman seems to be interesting in everything you say, she just so happens to love sports, love cars, love raw meat, et cetera. I can guarantee that these people will have some great dates. Unfortunately, reality must shine through at some point, and the reality is that he usually forgets to open doors, and she is a vegetarian who despises sports.
The actual process of 'picking up' chicks/guys is certainly fun, its like a game in itself. But, if you are looking for something serious, its possible you could be using the wrong approach. The truth is, the majority of people you will meet on any given night out are false advertisements. Try putting yourself out there, don't hesitate to disagree, a friendly argument can be a great way to start a conversation. If a person fails to present themselves honestly from the start, this self monitoring can lead to communication issues later on. Lack of communication means a slew of other issues; trust issues, paranoia, jealousy, et cetera.
It comes down to this; if you're looking for something with a genuine spark, learn to value authenticity over social graces. Present yourself as you are, disagree when you disagree, and don't pretend to be interested in something you are not. And when interacting with others, don't instantly disregard those who may come off as a little more abrasive. I've been here before, and someone who rubbed me the wrong way initially, eventually became my closest friend. Some people found his honesty to be offensive, but I have come to respect it. The fact is, you don't need to appeal to everyone. If you want a one night stand, you're doing the right thing, don't get me wrong. But as I said, if you're at that point where you're looking for something to last more than the weekend, consider changing up your game. You know the cliche 'fish in the sea' metaphor? Well stop trying to appeal to everyone. Put down the net and use a more intimate approach. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but a lot of them are also bottom feeders. You want the right fish, use the right bait. Quit with the generics.





No comments: