The Castle

July 18th 2007

I was thinking....I posted a bulletin yesterday about being excited for the next election. Now I'm kind of thinking we should take a different approach. Loosely based of genius and this one time I got really stoned and wrote a story with the mentality of an 8 year old... here is my plan...

First, we overthrow the government, remove everyone from office, burn the pentagon and the white house to the ground, because we're starting over, and we build a castle.

Now that we have a fresh canvas to work with and democracy no longer exists in America, it is time to rebuild. We're going back to the old way, bringing back Monarchy.

Not just any Monarchy, not an absolute Monarchy or anything and definetly not hereditary. So just like the president, we elect a King. I almost said (or Queen) but then I remembered that that is what is so cool about monarchy. It's the King and Queen. Not the President and the first lady. King and Queen are like equals, unless of course we're talking about cards or chess. But I mean, the King dies, the Queen is the leader, or basically they just rule together. But I digress. So we elect a King or Queen just like the President. The difference is, that person serves as King or Queen for as long as they are alive, there are no term limits.

Now the really cool part about this, is you're probably thinking...Great, so say we had elected Bush as King, he could potentially fuck things up and drive us into the ground for as long as he is alive. But rest assured, because the catch is if you're doing a bad job, and America takes a vote and the majority decides you're fucking up, then we kill you.

This may seem harsh, but think about how effective it would be. Now that I really put it into perspective, my idea is a lot like England. They have the Queen, but they also have Parliment. We would have Parliment as well, it would be a diverse group of individuals who represent every race, socioeconmic status, gender, sexual orientation, religion, you name it, kind of like the United Nations only within America. It would also be mandatory that during sessions of Parliment everyone smokes Parliments, because this is America, and we love irony.

Now speaking of irony, the best part about this plan is that it would be the most ironic thing in America's history. If you think about it, eliminating Democracy and replacing it with Monarchy, would be going against everything America is founded on. It would make fools out of the founding fathers. It would be an admittance of failure. It would invalidate the longest standing legal document in history. We would make confetti out of the constitution and let it rain in the streets as our new King and Queen floated by during their inauguration parade.

The only difference between our new government and that of England is that rather than the King and Queen only existing for traditional and iconic reasons, we wouldn't have a "Prime Minister" running the country. Our King and Queen would be legit. Our president is King of the castle. He will say "you do this you do this" and people will do it.

Did I mention that the Castle is in Wyoming? Because why not?

Another great thing about the King is that during the campaigning process there is no campaigning. There will be no traveling from state to state, in fact states will no longer exist, they will just be territories. And no governors, we will replace them with Dukes and Dutchesses. Anyway, there is no wasting millions of dollars on bullshit propoganda and lies because from here on out we will respect Americas as intelligent and intuitive individuals, not the fools we authoritive figures make of us.

Instead, campaigning will be held on national television. It will be a reality show, in fact the castle will be its own reality show. It will be like C-Span only not boring. And that way, so much can't be kept from us any longer. There will first be a gameshow, like Jeopardy, and an IQ test. Everyone must pass the IQ test to even be allowed to campaign, and they must test higher than 135. They will be given rigorus tasks in which all of America will watch and observe how each individual reacts to situations and solvs problems. All canidates must also perform stand up comedy at the end of each airing episode, just so it always ends on a light note and I think it is very important to have a King with a sense of humor. The King of America needs to be satirical and witty.

Every week, America will be required to vote, they will go out and instead of voting FOR a candiate, they will vote a canidate off. Through this process of elimination we will eventually get our new King. It's very Darwin, very survival of the fittest, and of course natural.

There will be no republicans, no democracts. We will all be independents. We will all be either smart, or we will be idiots. There is no inbetween.

Also, it is important for you to know that at the Castle, the Beatles are always playing. And every morning everyone plays a round of Kings, once again for the sake of irony. Daytripper is the song I have in mind for the theme. Since this will be a reality show.


It's a muligan, lets start over!