Sunday, October 14, 2007

To whom it may concern

October 1st 2007

I'm keeping this collection of epistolary essays. This is the part of the first one I added to it. It's addressed to my future first child....and that concept seems a little weird. But...we had a debate in one of my literature classes the other day about whether or not letters could be considered 'literature'. I would say absolutely, if essays are considered so. I've grown up learning to write through letters. This is why now I write in essay format, because I've always been in the habit of addressing someone. Well beyond that, one of Anne Bradstreet's works was a letter she left for her children. Her children were all ready born of course, but I guess you could say I was also influenced by the Bright Eyes song "No Lies just Love", I love the concept...I'm pretty sure you can tell...


"I wrote this for you who has yet to be born. I wrote this for you who may never be born. Nonetheless, you all ready exist in my thoughts and dreams, your well being all ready concerns me.

My mother was younger than I am now when she gave birth to me. To be exact, she was four years younger, only eighteen. I think that now, though I am at a both selfish and unstable point in my life, it is only natural that I begin to think and even dream, in a more maternal dialect. I have dreams, realistic ones in which (I assume) I fabricate my own future. What has especially caught my attention, is that these dreams are never of me on my wedding day. They are not of me and my potential husband. And also, they are not far fetched or lavish. In these dreams it is only me and you.

You see, my greatest and only real true fear, is that I may ruin (for lack of a better term) the life of another person. It is for this reason that I am afraid to someday get married. I am afraid that I may in someway hold my husband back from accomplishing what he is meant to, or wants to, accomplish. I'm afraid that I may not possess enough emotional and intellectual strength to ensure that I do not suppress his freedom as an individual. For this same reason, I am afraid to be a mother. Even more so than I am afraid to marry am I afraid to be a mother. I have friends all around me, my age and all ready raising children. The responsibility of this terrifies me. The responsibility of a grown man is one concern, but the responsibility of a child- naive, impressionable, and optimistic- is an incredible obligation. How can I be certain that I will be strong enough as a person, mentally, physically, and emotionally, to raise you? Everything I say and do will potentially affect you, and I can only hope that it will be positively. I want you to grow up strong, virtuous, fierce, and intelligent. What and whom you choose to be, you shall be. But I promise you now, that I will do my best to give you the foundation you deserve so that you may learn to be successful in all of your endeavors.

There is a long list of virtues we are told to live by. I however, do not want you to live a certain way because you are told or made to believe that it is right. I want you to understand them, realize why they are important, weigh them carefully and exercise them wisely. Do not just possess them, but be active with them, this is truly virtuous.

Just as Aristotle comprised virtues into Nicomachean ethics, which he named after his son so that he and others may one day live by them, I am writing this letter to you with the same intent.

I have asked people that I consider to have known me fairly well, what my greatest qualities are. I was caught off guard when I was most often told curiosity, but have since realized it to be my greatest attribute. For this reason, I will raise you to always ask questions. Children are notorious for asking countless questions, and while I have all ready been guilty of finding this irritating, I promise you my patience. You will almost certainly hear in your childhood the phrase, "Curiosity killed the cat," but curiosity only killed the cat if the cat was reckless. It is more believable, that curiosity persecuted the cat. Do not be frightened of judgment. Ask questions, seek truth, and do so with conviction.

One of my most common weaknesses, is that I am at the mercy of my pride. This has oftentimes gotten me into trouble. My pride as a teenager would not allow me to accept the possibility that I may be wrong. My pride as a young adult has made it difficult for me to be as open and forthcoming with others as I would like to be. My pride has gotten me into many fights and it has prevented me from accepting justified criticism. You see, with great pride we become self righteous. We develop and utilize defense mechanisms so that we are constantly justifying ourselves and our actions. Do not, however, assume that this means that you should not be proud of who you are. Pride is considered one of the seven deadly sins, but still I insist that you possess some element of pride, as this is necessary in gaining self respect. In this manner, this is not pure pride, but integrity. You can be proud of your existence, but be free of haughtiness. Have the audacity to challenge but the humility to consider.

It has long been said that patience is a virtue. And again, here is another virtue that I am guilty of not exercising as frequently as I should. Sometimes it seems as though I am in a constant state of rushing. I oftentimes have to catch myself in this habit and remind myself to slow down. This American society revolves around speed, consistency, punctuality, and convenience. I beg you to take your time. Know that it is not necessary to be constantly busy and that though with patience you may move slowly, you can still be diligent and productive. Do not let work and responsibilities distract you from who you are and what is around you. You have an obligation to acknowledge your surroundings. Do not put aesthetics at the center of your life, but certainly do not disregard beauty. Life is indeed a journey but take time in getting acquainted with the people and things along the way. Do not underestimate the power of silence and stillness. I encourage you to be patient in both your thoughts and actions. Learn to master impulse. Do not get caught up in the quickness of things, when situations escalate quickly, they erode even more quickly. With patience comes a sense of contentment and ease, that could not otherwise be achieved.

Commandment number 9, "Thou shalt not bear false witness." Your childhood will be riddled with stories whose moral is honestly. You will hear about George Washington and the cutting down of the cherry tree, and you will undoubtedly hear about the boy who cried wolf. I can assure you, that this is one of the most difficult virtues to comprehend. There will be times when you will find yourself in a conundrum, in which case you may feel that honesty does not alleviate the greater good. You will find yourself wanting to lie in order to maintain a 'greater truth". Honesty is certainly not easy, but it is for this reason that it is possibly the most virtuous. Be honest, be bold, but do so when it is deemed necessary. As you will hear, as well as feel for yourself, that the truth hurts. The truth is, we live in a universe in which we cannot be certain of truth. I realize that this is ironic, but it is irony that is at the root of the human condition. The only thing a person has in this world is their word and their own truth, do not sacrifice it.

My favorite of Christian ideals, above all, is the beatitudes. As my grandmother would say, I am to think of the beatitudes as a set of 'attitudes' in which I should live by. I've all ready mentioned the importance of humility, which is a beatitude in itself, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." I've chosen a great deal of the beatitudes to quote for you because they are testaments of God, because after each statement comes a promise, just as this letter is my testament to you.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." Mercy, is another of the many virtues that is consistently misconstrued as a weakness. Be sure that you never mistake mercy as weakness. Do not underestimate the power in forgiveness. Remember that the Christian bible regards God as both "powerful and merciful." Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. I can not stress to you enough the importance of forgiveness. With forgiveness comes freedom. You may not want to free those who have done you wrong from the burden of guilt that their wrong doing has probably granted them. However, realize that in forgiving others, you free yourself. Keep yourself free of all bitterness and resentment. It is okay to be weary, it is okay to be skeptical, but do not allow yourself to harbor anger. Read again the beginning of this paragraph and take note of the promise God makes, "for they shall obtain mercy." Just as you have forgave, so shall you be forgiven.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." I have, in my life, been accused of being a sadist. Though it is certain that the term was used in an exaggerated sense, it unsettled me. I acknowledged suffering in a way that others did not, and though some may have saw that as exploitation, my goal was to make them aware of it, and their response only affirmed my goal. Always, always remain sympathetic to the human condition. Remember that we are all forced to have the same struggle, we are all on the same path in search of truth. You will experience many misfortunes and sufferings in your lifetime. Just as you will experience these things, so will others, and some will experience them ten fold. Our lives are infested with obstacles. Be sympathetic, yes, but do not be just that. Be actively sympathetic. When you see someone who has been set back, do not merely sympathize, but do your best to give them your hand and help to guide them back on course. Do this even if it temporarily sets you back, and do this for the sake of charity, and never self gratification.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled." I can only hope that you, like your mother, possess a strong passion for justice. Do not let others try to fool you with false ethics to try to justify wrong doing. Everyday of your life you will be fighting for a freedom that is all ready yours. You will be fighting for the same ideal that everyone around you will be fighting for. Do your best to always uphold justice, in being sure to not condemn, or impede on, the right of everyone to be free. But be forewarned, that with this virtue comes a lifetime of unrest. Know that things will never be right in the world, but do not let this prevent you from making even the smallest difference. Fight for yourself, and fight for each other.

There is a virtue that I hold dearly to my heart. It goes hand in hand with honesty, and that is loyalty. It is going to be difficult for me to explain to you the value of loyalty. This is difficult because I also want to stress to you someday attachments and the application of emotion. But for now, I will keep it more simplistic. First you must learn to be completely independent before you can understand the true concept of loyalty and love. Firstly, never mistake loyalty for dependency. Be loyal because you care about the cause or person you are loyal to. Be loyal to your friends and your family.

You may find this to be one of the hardest virtues, and in that case you would be right. There are especially contradictions in loyalty. There will most definitely come times when the loyalty of one subject contradicts the loyalty you have to another. Again, you will have to evaluate what is the greater good in this manner, and it will not be easy. Most importantly, be loyal to yourself. Be loyal to your values. You must remember to never sell yourself out.

All of your experiences and inexperiences will amount to your perspective on life. Perspective is the subjective view of how you see the world. It is yours alone and no one will ever see things as you do. Be cautious on how you articulate this perspective as it will influence all of your thoughts and actions. Find good balance between darkness and light. Appreciate your good fortunes but also remember the misfortunes of others. Do not let this get you down, but rather use it to even more so appreciate the things that you are lucky enough to have. You will not be overtaken with resentment if you keep in mind that someone somewhere is dealing with something much, much worse. Do not get angry when you have so much, and be appreciative even when you have little.

Remain open minded at all times so that your outlook on life is broad and always allows for growth. Remember these lines as written in the Tao and live by them, "The sound traveler stays two steps back and remains awake to all that is possible."

Do not be pretentious. Not everyone will agree with you, or you them. Have the respect to let them be heard. Do not become frustrated if your belief is not the same as another. Do not be overly aggressive about your beliefs. People do not respond positively to aggression and will only become defensive. Trying to force someone to entertain an idea will only cause them to resent you, and will earn you no respect. Remember that silence is a virtue in itself. Sometimes the most profound revelations in life go unspoken. Think of the words of Poe, "Convinced myself, I seek not to convince."

With your birth is also born great responsibility. I do not even mean to me, but in this case, to you. You will be responsible for yourself, and your development as an individual. You will be responsible for others, as a member of the human race. You have a responsibility to life, and the protection of all living creatures. And lastly, you will have a responsibility to civilization and society. It is a machine that we have created in order to maintain our freedom with respect to that of others. It oftentimes may become corrupt or broken, but you have a responsibility to fix it and keep it running. Apply all of these virtues to your responsibilities, and be aware that they may at times contradict. Do not be afraid of contradictions. We, like this universe, as Walt Whitman said, are "large, and contain multitudes."

Value the concept of balance. Acknowledge that everything that is, is because it isn't somewhere or something else. Realize that love and hate are the same ailment and contain equal passion. Without hate, there would be no love. Remember this also in respect to life. Learn to respect death, and do not be afraid of it. Know that it is the very abruptness and uncertainty of death that gives this life any meaning at all. As I will teach you to Remember this, my favorite quote, "Those living deeply have no fear of death."

Just as life compliments death, and love compliments hate, always keep in mind that everything is really the same. Everything will appear to be contrary to something else, but this is not true. There are no real opposites in life. There is only what is, the things that we can conceive. The opposite of anything is nothing, and nothing, like the idea of God, is something that we cannot comprehend. So with this I want you to also realize the dangers of indifference. The only emotion that is neither positive nor negative, and that has no alternative, is indifference. And this is because to be indifferent is to apathetic, to have no passion. Indifference is tempting because it appears to be safe, but do not be fooled. Emotion is what makes us human. Learn to feel, and to feel effectively. Never be afraid of emotion, but always be conscious of it..."

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