Figuratively speaking

February 10th 2007

There is nothing better than late night realizations when you're walking home in 9 degree weather about the fact that you're essentially alone and you are completely fine with it, and not only that but you like it that way. Better yet, there is the realization that all the second guessing you've been doing lately was nonsense because you're not that complex and you're not that transparent but you're exactly who you say you are and though they can debate it they can never prove otherwise. For awhile you've been to scared to care about anything deeper than drugs, sex, or alcohol. But now you suddenly find yourself afraid that you no longer possess even the simple capability to care. Why is this? You don't know, all you know is that to much of anything makes you panic and it's so much easier to run away and they can call you what they want but they can never make you stay. In the end all that matters is that feeling you get when you push the world away and can look at it from a distance not with admiration or regret but with complete and utter indifference. You're not drowning this time, you're treading on the surface.