Something Vague

January 25th 2007

"Nothing suffocates you more than the passing of everyday human events"

This is why it is my firm belief that Marilyn Manson does not get enough credit.
I always wondered when and why suburban-middle-class-whit

e-kids got so discontent with their lives. When did everyone turn emo? When did everyone begin to enjoy the feelings of pain, lonliness, pressure, discontent? I used to be one of those kids, a suburban-middle-class-white-kid. I was always angry, I was always bitter, I was always jaded and mad at the world. I was angry because I felt that it was the only thing I could do to prove myself. I gave up on being concerned with school, with friends, with parents, with social interaction, with religion. There was to much going on in the world to ignore. How could I walk to school everyday with my books to sit in a nice classroom for 8 hours learning about the misfortunes of people all over the world and take it with a grain of salt, and then walk back home and turn on MTV and pretend like it's not happening?

No, there is nothing like the monotony of human existence. We are the civilized ones? We are all robots.

I had to write a paper last night about success. I've realized that success to me isn't what it is to 99.9% of people. I had to choose from a list of quotes and write about why the quote best suits me and my idea of success. I picked a quote, and then I added my own quotes in the end. This class is teaching me that to be successful in life you need to be organized, you need to go to class, you need to do all of your work, you need to get a degree, you need to get a decent paying job, you need to buy a house in the suburbs, you need to get married and have children, you need to raise these children to be exactly like you, you need to teach these children what is important in life, you need to raise them to love America, to love the President, to love baseball. You need to teach them to have plans, an academic plan, a work plan, a 401K plan, a retirement plan. You need to teach them to insure their lives. Insure their cars, their health, their house, their life, their death. And how will your kids repay you after all that you've taught them? They will resent you. Because one day they will want to explore the world, they will find pictures, videos, articles, or they will see for themselves. They will realize that most people do not have what they do. They will realize that people are suffering. They will realize that they aren't living, they are just breathing. They will realize that people all over the world are struggling to survive, while they don't even know what survival is. They will realize that so many people are just trying not to die. They won't understand why this is happening because you've sheltered them all their damn lives. They will find out. They will be angry because you did not tell them. They will wonder how you can be such a cold bloodless freak and go to work everyday at your coorporate job, and go to PTA meetings, and Bingo. They will wonder why you are so nonchalant. They will wonder everything you've wondered before. They will point their fingers at you and yell to you the same things you yelled to your parents before. You'll admire the fire in them. You'll remember yourself before your own fire went out and you'll wonder what went wrong. Then you will breakdown. Because you can't figure out when you became so afraid. Your kids, they will resent you. They will yell and they will fight, viva la revolucion, but then the world will get ahold of them, it will shove reality down their throats and your kids will grow up to be just like you. Just as you grew up to be your parents, and they grew up to be theirs.

This isn't what success is to me.

We'll never be successful, how can you be...when you're entire race is de-evolving by the day?

I was always angry, I was always bitter, I was always jaded and mad at the world, but I was never scared.